(* The most non-political post you'll ever read.)
If I was president, I would:
- Make it legal to shoot out the tires of any vehicle that merges at the last minute on the highway.
- Make it illegal to remake classic movies (Footloose, I'm looking at you).
- Make it illegal to continue Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy when Pat Sajak, Vanna White and Alex Trebek retire.
- Ban over-used phrases, including, but not limited to, 'at the end of the day', 'net it out' and 'we'll get there'.
- Allow people to test out of grad school.
- Require teenagers to take a year off after high school, before attending college, to travel or play video games.
- Require everyone to read one book a year (I don't care if it's Dr. Seuss).
- Require employers to declare the first nice day of the year a paid holiday and send their peeps home.
- Enforce the 'if you're gonna eat a cookie in front of me, you better have enough to share' rule.
- Erase Bing from the Internet.
- Be able to freeze time like that girl from that 80s TV show (I would use this power for evil, er, good).
- Make Dr Pepper an acceptable breakfast drink.