To Whom It May Concern:
I know that this request is going to make me sound like an old fogey, but I already used the word 'fogey' so it's too late to try the hip route.
The next time you have big news to share - like you're getting married or you're pregnant or you got a new job or you're moving to Australia - please, please, please don't write it on my Facebook wall or text me or send me a message on Twitter.
Whatever happened to a good ol' phone call? Or even one of those regular e-mails? You know, the kind that isn't connected to any other form of social media? God forbid, I ask for a hand-written note.
I'm happy to hear your news, really I am, but receiving it in such a public forum kinda takes some of the surprise and excitement out of it. If I replied, 'Congratulations' on your Facebook wall, it'd seem kind of impersonal, don'tcha think?
I was going to write this in a real letter, but decided this anonymous, 'share-it-with-the-world' letter was more your style. Thanks for reading; now go write about how uncool I am on Twitter.